Curses Of Weakness

God curse my heart, for it betrays me.
God curse my mind, for it confuses me.
God curse my eyes, for they deceive me.
God curse my lips, for they hunger after That which I must wait for.
God curse even my tongue, for it curses that which I love, have want of, and need yet still to curse.

But even after I have cursed, bless my soul oh Lord.
Bless this soul that screams of passion for you my King.
Where I fall in flesh, you catch me in spirit.
May your spirit work through my soul and into my flesh that will have not need to curse it.

For though my soul burns for you,
My heart is of a lover,
My mind is of a scholar,
My eyes are of a pervert,
My lips are of passion and longing.
And even my tongue is of the witty.

Let that heart be of a lover for God and His will.
Let that mind be of a school always thinking of God.
Let these eyes be of a saint always searching for your will.
Let these lips be of passion for God's word and His kingdom.
And this tongue be of scripture, flowing forth with His word.

But even now in the silence,
In the dark, still of this night.
My soul cries out in its burden,
Of its flesh to be set right.

The Battle Is In Its Heat

"God save your servant. I am cut i am bleeding, i am crying out in pain at what the enemy has done to me. Save me in my hour of need. Save those brethern who I have fought for. Show them what i tried to and failed. Lead them to your grace and evelope them in it that i may see my dreams become real and your grace in my life. God i need you to save a servants brother. Without this brother this servant can go no futher. Save your servant's brother. Bring him to your grace. Amen."- A quick prayer before I go through with this...

An AIM conversation I just had:

FireproofSoul25 (11:16:16 PM): but dude, i just want to say, be sure God is at your center

FireproofSoul25 (11:16:36 PM): just please focus on God

FireproofSoul25 (11:18:06 PM): dude God has really been working hard on me and I feel like i am failing a lot

FireproofSoul25 (11:18:14 PM): i dont want us to fail and fall

FireproofSoul25 (11:18:44 PM): can you respond or something?

*********** (11:17:57 PM): idk dude

*********** (11:18:00 PM): i dont rele liek this

FireproofSoul25 (11:18:56 PM): like what?

*********** (11:18:12 PM): were different ppl and im not rele like yu

FireproofSoul25 (11:19:16 PM): i am not pressuring you or anything i just want to be sure that your motives are right

*********** (11:18:35 PM): i want to be a kid and im working god into my center but i cant like presto chango liekt hat

FireproofSoul25 (11:19:36 PM): Dude we are brothers in christ, there are very few bonds closer than that

FireproofSoul25 (11:19:45 PM): *********** thats just it

FireproofSoul25 (11:19:59 PM): when you signed up for this, you didnt sign up for a year long course

FireproofSoul25 (11:20:14 PM): God accepts you immediately and throws you into the battle, armor or not

FireproofSoul25 (11:20:28 PM): David was a teenager when he killed Goliath

FireproofSoul25 (11:20:30 PM): our age

FireproofSoul25 (11:21:05 PM): Joseph was a teenage when he was sold into slavery but he rose above it and became the most powerful man in Egypt directly under pharoah

FireproofSoul25 (11:21:31 PM): I dont want to hear you complain about be a kid anymore

FireproofSoul25 (11:21:48 PM): i know this is hard and you probably dont want to hear it, but this is a fight

*********** (11:21:02 PM): im onyl complaining becuase you lecture me all the damn time

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:02 PM): *********** !

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:04 PM): read the bible!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:12 PM): you will see this on every page screaming out at you!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:15 PM): we need to fight!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:22 PM): what happened to our revolution?!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:38 PM): you are the one person i have met in my entire life with the most influence!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:42 PM): i envy that!

FireproofSoul25 (11:22:48 PM): you can talk to people like i cant!

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:08 PM): you met someone and your almost instantly friends!

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:11 PM): i cant do that

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:15 PM): i am not wired that way

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:27 PM): i write poetry, and think deep, and talk too damn much

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:35 PM): you are funny, and witty, and wise and you have a talent

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:39 PM): I ENVY THAT!

FireproofSoul25 (11:23:41 PM): I AM JEALOUS!

FireproofSoul25 (11:24:00 PM): you have the biggest position right now to start a fire at our school for christ

FireproofSoul25 (11:24:04 PM): i need you man

FireproofSoul25 (11:24:14 PM): i can not start without knowing you are there with me

FireproofSoul25 (11:24:36 PM): i know God is there but it feels like he has abandoned me if you arent in it with me

FireproofSoul25 (11:24:38 PM): please

*********** (11:23:57 PM): what do yu mean like

*********** (11:24:00 PM): we dont even see eachother

*********** (11:24:05 PM): and you dont liekt alk in class

FireproofSoul25 (11:25:01 PM): It doesnt matter!

*********** (11:24:11 PM): how is this gonna work?

FireproofSoul25 (11:25:16 PM): just be as glass so that people may see jesus through you

FireproofSoul25 (11:25:27 PM): a flame brighter than any they have seen

*********** (11:24:42 PM): i see

FireproofSoul25 (11:25:38 PM): a cross beaconing to the broken

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:01 PM):*********** you are my hero in so many ways

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:06 PM): you dont care what people think

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:10 PM): you do waht you want

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:29 PM): you know just what to say to get people to talk and laugh

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:38 PM): just use that for Christ

FireproofSoul25 (11:26:43 PM): thats all i am begging of you

*********** (11:26:03 PM): ok ok i get it

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:00 PM): if you could see me now i would be on my hands and knees before you

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:08 PM): i need to know that you will fight for God

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:13 PM): not for your childhood

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:18 PM): i have given up myself

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:24 PM): i have nothing left to give

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:37 PM): and i feel like i will fail if you arent there

FireproofSoul25 (11:27:45 PM): not physically but in spirit

*********** (11:27:11 PM): you cant really fail at that

*********** (11:27:19 PM): and that doesnt make sense if im not there

FireproofSoul25 (11:28:22 PM): i just need to know you will fight for God in all you do

FireproofSoul25 (11:28:31 PM): that you will witness Jesus' love to people

*********** (11:27:43 PM): not yet

FireproofSoul25 (11:28:40 PM): that you will bring them to church

*********** (11:27:50 PM): im not like able to yet

FireproofSoul25 (11:28:44 PM): and to NINE12

*********** (11:28:00 PM): mhm

FireproofSoul25 (11:29:03 PM): i jsut need to know you will fight the same fight i will fight

FireproofSoul25 (11:29:23 PM): we may not be on the same battlefield but our cause will be the same and our enemy will be the same

*********** (11:29:08 PM): i guess i can try

FireproofSoul25 (11:30:22 PM): a wise old man once told me, "Do or do not, there is no try."

*********** (11:29:31 PM): but i cant really promise i can do all thata much right now, yur expecting too much from me at the moment

FireproofSoul25 (11:30:43 PM): So what if that wise old man happens to be Yoda

FireproofSoul25 (11:31:25 PM): i just feel like its as though the week at NYC meant nothing to us anymore

FireproofSoul25 (11:31:34 PM): it just brought us closer together for us

FireproofSoul25 (11:31:37 PM): instead of God

FireproofSoul25 (11:31:46 PM): and tht alone is enough to make me cry

*********** (11:31:06 PM): i see

*********** (11:31:16 PM): well

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:09 PM): i dont know how else to say it

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:17 PM): if will not fight beside me

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:19 PM): then...

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:23 PM): idk

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:27 PM): ill fight but

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:38 PM): even the thought of that scares me

FireproofSoul25 (11:32:49 PM): who else in our school has been on a mountain top with God?

FireproofSoul25 (11:33:11 PM): who else has felt God's touch and remembers what it means to be with God

FireproofSoul25 (11:33:43 PM): who else has actually got down and dirty and served because God called them to help his children in need?

FireproofSoul25 (11:33:50 PM): i can not think of anyone else

FireproofSoul25 (11:35:09 PM): *********** please set aside your pride and give up that which you hold most dear as an offering to God that he may take it and bless you 10 times over

FireproofSoul25 (11:35:35 PM): what is it you are afraid of that is holding you back from this?

FireproofSoul25 (11:35:52 PM): i want to pray for it

FireproofSoul25 (11:35:55 PM): right now

*********** (11:35:27 PM): im not afraid of nething per say but like ur just steam rolling me with all this shit its like whoa, and im not even thatb liek "with" god and ur expecting alot from me

*********** (11:35:41 PM): but im getting stressed out so imma go for a lil

FireproofSoul25 (11:36:38 PM): why is it me you see as calling you to this?

FireproofSoul25 (11:36:55 PM): God has been screaming it to you and I am asking if you have answered the call

*********** (11:36:25 PM): not really

*********** (11:36:30 PM): you have been screaming to me

*********** (11:36:33 PM): and i dont rele liek ti

*********** (11:36:39 PM): i want you to let me find him myself

FireproofSoul25 (11:37:39 PM): then i have failed

*********** (11:36:51 PM): nah

FireproofSoul25 (11:37:45 PM): yes

FireproofSoul25 (11:37:58 PM): for over one year i have tried to lead you to that place where God is

*********** (11:37:09 PM): i just get caught up in all this stuff and i fail to relize im nto connecting with god

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:06 PM): i invited you to Vertical

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:18 PM): i suggested we do Nine12 serves

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:23 PM): then we went on the missions trip

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:31 PM): you can lead a horse to water

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:38 PM): but you can not make him drink

FireproofSoul25 (11:38:57 PM): i never thought i would have seen that quote ever become more real

FireproofSoul25 (11:39:18 PM): you go ahead and chill or what ever

FireproofSoul25 (11:39:20 PM): i need to pray

*********** (11:38:38 PM): ok

This is a friend who I have prayed for and tried to help them find God. I have no idea where to go after this. I feel like the past 2 years of my life have all be for naught. I am crying. I am not ashamed. I don't not want you to judge this person. I want you to help my never ending prayers that God may bring him to his light. Do not confront them about this if you magically find out who it is. Pray. Pray. Pray. I can never stress this enough. In all you do turn to God for assistance. So thats what I am asking of you. Pray for him, pray for me as I pray God will work on his heart. I feel like I ask too much of you guys and you spoil me and I can never give enough back. If I can I will give you guys my blessing in heaven just so I can see this friend brought into God's never ending grace. Pray...


Added in minutes after original post: In retrospect I do feel like I was hard on him, but Jesus also was hard on the people who thought of themselves as religious or God followers and did not truly lay down their life for Him or used Him as an excuse to gain earthly pleasures. I just have a really big problem who would use an experience like the missions trip we had as a way to just simply have fellowship. I love fellowship and one of my hearts desires is to somehow stay with the people from the missions trip the rest of my life as we go around the globe helping various missions teams get established or strengthen their spirits and helping them for a week to a month. I just see people who do not go on those events for God as Jesus saw the Pharisees, as people who use God for personal gain and do not give everything up to him as he has asked of us. Sorry if you think I am harsh, that is just my mindset.

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A Midnight Prayer

A prayer I wrote to God last night around 11 PM-12 PM:

Dear God,

As a servant sits here, as a believer, a follower of your word, I cry out to you without words. I scream with silence. I yell out to hear the only sound is that of my own frightened heart. I can't feel you right now. I know you're there. I put my faith into you. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt you will save me if I were to die in tonight. I would welcome that joy right now. To be swept away, up to you and to have that reassurance. I give you all my faith, now work in my life. If I am to be a Job, I fear I will fail you. If you aren't there, I don't want to go. I am scared to death Lord. You aren't in my school. I can't see you, feel you, I don't know that you are there. I want to bring a flame to Stillwater and set it on fire for you, but right now I am afraid of the dark. I am so glad that you gave the Ballston Spa kids each other. I am like a mouse among a crowd of cats. God I desperately need a sign for reassurance. Give me anything that will scream to me, "Paul, this is God. I want you to burn up your school with passion for me. Every fire starts with a spark. You have an advantage, you are already in flames for for me. Now stop covering up that fire and burn bright as can be for others to see. Do not be ashamed of what you have been called and created to do. Just do it, that is your calling, to do what ever I ask of you. Serve and you will be served. Just do it for me. Now." Lord speak to me like that. Grab my face and scream in it. I will do it. Lord you are all I have to offer this world. Lets give you to everyone. I pray this prayer for every brother and sister in Christ in your reach. I pray for Janelle, Allison, Sam, Lauryne, Shannon, Alicia, Kristie, Vivian, Jess, Katie, Ryan, Jamie, Mrs. Hench, Cherish, Caroline, Sarah, and all my sisters in your name. For all my brothers; James, Jon, Devin, Zach, Dave, Will, Jake, Jordan, Karl, Will, Joe, Jon, Brian, Sammy, and Gabe. Pour gasoline on us and ignite that match. I want us to be the brightest light this world has even seen burning for you. That is my hearts desire. Now work it through us I beg of you Lord. I know you will. I love you with all the pieces of my heart that you may heal them.

Good Night World

May the stars smile upon your dreams even as your eyes be shut to their beauty which is but not compared to all that God has made you to be.

God Gave Him That Sign

Wow my close friend in Christ was debating about whether or not to invite a kid from his school to NINE12 (our youth group) so he quickly asked God for a sign. He asked the kid what time the class they were in ended, he responded by saying , '9:12'. That made my heart jump for joy! Many people, even believers, would say that is just coincidence. I say that it is divine providence. God set up that schools schedule like that for a reason. I am going to pray for that kid and my friend. God can do anything. All you need a lot of prayer, and a lot of faith. Both of which are within all of us and inside all our friends. So nothing is impossible with God.

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You guys are just so cool...

You guys are awesome. I love you all. And you know who you are. We live for a God of wonders. And he made you all so wonderful. If I could I pack it all up and find away to live with all of you and just love God 24/7. You guys are so amazing... with a capital A.

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Job: Not Steve You Fool, the Bible Guy

No not Steve Jobs, even though he is pretty cool. I mean Job from the Bible. Specifically the book that a lot of people pass over before hitting up Psalms then then Proverbs. Job is one of those books of the bible that I think if you took it out and made it a separate book, it would still work. In Sunday School, I remember hearing about how God allowed Satan to test Job to the full extent of his faith and Job always remained faithful to God and God blessed him by like billions more than he previously had. To be as transparent as possible though, I always wanted to be like Job until recently. I always wanted to be tested to the limit of my faith to see how much I truly loved God. But now that I think more about that, it frightens the *something that sounds weird* out of me. I am sure that if I ever met Thomas, he would be like, "They should've called it Doubting Paul not me." I want faith like Peter had! I want faith enough to walk on waters! That is one of my hearts desires, but right now I feel so under pressure from Satan and I feel like God is telling me, 'If I wait for the perfect time to test you, you will never be ready.' So if God is testing I say bring it on, but I feel like a 3 year old trying to learn how to ride a bike again. If I fall the worst that could happen is a few bruises and God will pick me back up. But if I succeed I make myself a place in heaven more glorious than Leonidas and his Spartans could have asked for. I pray that I don't fall.

Fires of Change: Choose Your Kindling

We are a revolution. I've said it a hundred times before, and I'll say it a thousand times again. Our revolution can not be a weak one though. If we are to survive we need to spread like a wild fire in a drought. Choose your kindling and set them ablaze that together you may burn entire forests. What could be better? What could be more amazing? What else is the purpose of a revolution if not to inspire change on a massive level that the world and its inhabitants take notice and partake with said revolution. So pour on the gasoline and light that match, for tomorrow, we dine on a battle field for souls and hearts. Satan has them held down, hit him hard enough with God's power, and his grip will falter and their souls will be freed and brought to Christ. But Satan doesn't just give in, oh no he will fight and try to snatch them back. Never let that happen. Fight with every page of the Bible and every word of prayer that he will fail and God will provide safety for your newfound brothers and sisters. Feed them on Jesus' words and on prayer, that they might grow in Christ and help God's kingdom grow in number. Ignite your school, house, neighborhood, job, family, friends, and the world itself with a burning desire for Christ. I want the world to know I burn for Christ. "I feel the fire burning. I am alive again. I burn for You, You got me lifted, and lifting, You lift me up." Now let the smoke clear and show the world your flame and burn brighter than they can handle that they may desire to be like you. For we are to let Christ shine through us, and he is the brightest light this world has seen.

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To Sisters In Christ

Keep strong in the faith sister. "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" -Psalm 27:1 When I hear that verse it strikes me down to my core. We have a God bigger than the universes. He is so big it would take millions of years for light to go from one of him to the other but it takes him seconds to answer our prayers. So why should we have silly little fears when we have an awesome big God? Keep in touch and keep in God. And most of all keep the faith sister, for it is all that can get us through the day and keep us focused on God.

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Concerning Anxiety and Doubt- Matthew 6:25-34

Matthew 6:25-34 (King James Version)

Concerning Anxiety and Doubt:
25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.









Matthew 6:25-34

Do not worry about how you will provide for yourself. Why do you worry about where your next paycheck or meal will come from? It will come from where ever God should so choose. If it is to be your last do not fear for if you lived a life as God had asked you to, you will be feasting in heaven and have treasures beyond measure stockpiled in heaven. Don’t worry where it will come from, because it comes from God. Put God at the center and he will give you what you require and desire. So why do you bother your minds with such ridiculous and worldly questions as where you shall get your necessities from. Jesus is our strength and hope. He is our foundation through through every storm. No matter the battle he will never falter for us and he will always be there for us. So why do you attempt to do something for yourself like a child trying to learn something by themselves? You know you need God and he can provide for you every necessity and more. Matthew 7:7-11 speaks of how God knows how to provide for us. It compares it to a family. Would a father provide a stone for his son when he asks for a loaf of bread? Would a father give his son a snake is he asks for a fish? Of course not, unless you are of evil you would do no such thing. God is not of evil and therefore would never refuse us of what we require and ask for. So do not degrade God by even suggesting he cannot provide for us by trying to do it all yourself. Only God can give you something. No matter how hard we try, we deserve nothing we work for. But God chooses to bless us. Blessings are only blessings if they are spoken. So every time you receive anything, know that God spoke over you and blessed you with his very tongue. That alone should push you try to rest upon God for everything. So I don’t want to anything by will anymore, but I have left all my choices up to God. Prayer is the most powerful sword we could possess. Mine is always drawn ready for use. When you need to use your sword, ask of your brothers and sisters to draw with you that you may accomplish the task you have prayed for with due speed and power from God. Hence forth may we be armed in God’s very spirit never to forget our sword nor brethren on either side of us. Run from sins and temptations of the world for among them lie pain and death, but run to God and straight after his heart that you may reach him and be in his grace for all days of your life and eternity. Live from prayer to prayer, not paycheck to paycheck. Because then you will grow stronger in faith and closer to God then without such acts of boldness.


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