Abandonment
Strange title for this post. I am abandoning nothing I have not already
said I would leave behind. I never left behind anything that did not
deserve to be in my past except for any real sense of normality, or
perception... If I had to change one thing in my life, it would be
perception. I never every have been adept at this. Journalism. I fail
at this. It is very hard for me to just try to write or type some
emotional characteristic of my day without doing so in conversation. I
rarely talk directly to myself. I just contemplate possibilities. Vague
and more like a day dream than anything else in my existence, such
contemplations fill my day. I do think of the future to much, and the
future becoming present. It just does not fit with a God of a Universe.
God has no need for time. Only we do. It defines how we live our lives.
We never simply are, we are always complicatedly locked in struggles
for change. Evolution. I keep think how completely absurd that title
is...
I am appalled of late at my inability to properly type, speak, form
words, create ideas. Does this mean I am at a crossroads? What do I
sacrifice when I choose one road or another. Or is it more of a
branching tree of choices rather than a road. I do like tree
analogies... They inspire, growth. As corny as that may sound it seems
that organic analogies and references of Jesus' were very successful. I
enjoy them... But I ramble. I feel that perhaps by choosing one path I
am abandoning the other(s)? Perhaps it is not so much I am abandoning,
as I am just drifting away from. Not truly forsaking, just not
choosing. But does that mean I am indecisive? Could a solid yes or no
do better than a cross evaluation from all angles? Where does logic
fail, and quantum physics succeed? Or has logic never truly succeeded?
Perhaps logic was the only thing holding us back in the first place.
Who is to say that our world does have any bounds? Jesus could walk on
water after all, so could Peter, so long as he believed. Maybe the real
question I am asking myself is, do I really believe?
said I would leave behind. I never left behind anything that did not
deserve to be in my past except for any real sense of normality, or
perception... If I had to change one thing in my life, it would be
perception. I never every have been adept at this. Journalism. I fail
at this. It is very hard for me to just try to write or type some
emotional characteristic of my day without doing so in conversation. I
rarely talk directly to myself. I just contemplate possibilities. Vague
and more like a day dream than anything else in my existence, such
contemplations fill my day. I do think of the future to much, and the
future becoming present. It just does not fit with a God of a Universe.
God has no need for time. Only we do. It defines how we live our lives.
We never simply are, we are always complicatedly locked in struggles
for change. Evolution. I keep think how completely absurd that title
is...
I am appalled of late at my inability to properly type, speak, form
words, create ideas. Does this mean I am at a crossroads? What do I
sacrifice when I choose one road or another. Or is it more of a
branching tree of choices rather than a road. I do like tree
analogies... They inspire, growth. As corny as that may sound it seems
that organic analogies and references of Jesus' were very successful. I
enjoy them... But I ramble. I feel that perhaps by choosing one path I
am abandoning the other(s)? Perhaps it is not so much I am abandoning,
as I am just drifting away from. Not truly forsaking, just not
choosing. But does that mean I am indecisive? Could a solid yes or no
do better than a cross evaluation from all angles? Where does logic
fail, and quantum physics succeed? Or has logic never truly succeeded?
Perhaps logic was the only thing holding us back in the first place.
Who is to say that our world does have any bounds? Jesus could walk on
water after all, so could Peter, so long as he believed. Maybe the real
question I am asking myself is, do I really believe?
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